Every time I feel like I lose my motivation to do things, to plan, to arrange things that are seemingly unimportant but urgent, I start planning my next overseas trip.
Oh, no, I don't have the money to actually get on the plane and go there... but I do like to dream and plan my stay to the last t. It enables me to keep on dreaming about something, since so many times critical people want to put proverbial pins in my most amazing balloon-like dreams. These are untouchable, because I don't share them.
The power of them lies, of course, in the fact that I use them for self-motivation. I know how far I would go for these long-term dreams. To get myself motivated on the short run, I dream about the next musical instrument I'd buy. I'd practice and practice the Piano... but sometimes I'd dream about playing the 'cello... especially when I heard a special track combining 'cello and piano music.
But hey, I normally finish what I start.. except for when I take on seven things at once. "The best way to get things done," my dad used to say, "is to do them one by one..." Wise words - but so hard to heed. I always wonder when I will be able to do that... stay calm and do things one-by-one... Okay then, it is an acquired habit.
When I was in high school, I sort of lived by the motto "If you want to be the best, you have to train with the best..." strange motto for a girl... And so, instead of focusing on one subject till I had all of my homework done in it, I would oscillate between two subjects - when I got tired of math, I would practice scales; when I could not handle Science anymore, I went on to... and so, I taught myself a profound type of attention-deficiency. But I kept on questioning, making mind maps and writing summaries on index cards... So it sort of worked...
But then I became a professional student. And I love that. Through books I have gone many places, the most perfect classrooms, the most enthralling languages and perfect grammar structures, the most interesting art scenes and the sweetest melodies...yes, they are locations found within the realm of human existence.
In 2008 I made an experiment. I actually went for a jog every morning and thanked my Creator for an all-expenses-paid overseas trip. Twelve months later I was in England for three weeks. All expenses paid.
I never knew where I would go, or what I would spend. It was all done for me. All for free. So, all my dreaming never worked... but my thanking actually did.
The next time I went overseas (2011) I went in search of healing, in search of meaning to tough career mistakes...to the Golden City of Jerusalem, to see how others dealt with the bitterness and pain that comes from rejection and persecution. Attacks and fear. Victimization and hatred.
This time I planned profusely. Writing down every bit of information I could. Currencies, prices, exchange rates, travel-plans... Then a friend gave me a Joy Magazine and I found an advertisement in it. Sweet. All I had to do was pay the bill.
Home. Plan. Overseas Trip. This season these words are antonyms. Yes, because nobody is blessing me to go anywhere. They don't understand or know what it was like to be 'locked-up' in hostel for 17 years. Free weekends, but for those who knew what it's like, it's tough.
Everyone is telling me, prodding me to settle. I am ready, but far from eager. If there's another heartbreak around the corner, I'd rather run a marathon. Or travel.
When all the pressure of society becomes too much... or I can't do things one-by-one... I think it is time for a bit of fun... time to plan a trip. Time to travel.
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